Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
