Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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