I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
