Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
This house was built for laser tag.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
