just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
