My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
