you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
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All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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