I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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