I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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