Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Randomize
