nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
