What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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