took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize