so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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