We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
