For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
