and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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