What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize