I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
