It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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