I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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