Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
