Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
