I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
