I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
