I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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