she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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