hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You can't just leave with hair like that
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
