he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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