dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
