I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize