My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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