I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
