Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
