its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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