It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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