How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just forgot I was standing up.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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