Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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