he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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