I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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