if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
