God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
