i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
