Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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