4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
wow bdsm is so cute
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
