You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My dick has a subreddit
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
