What did we do last night that was yellow?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
