we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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