i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
