Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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