did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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