Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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