kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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