I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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