TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
