I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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