By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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