it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
