It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
