he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
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She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
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Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.