overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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