There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
literally had 100 drinks last night.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots