Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.