we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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