he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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