Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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