it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
