I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize