He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
