all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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