i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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