Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The air taste purple.
Randomize
