ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
